


Honesty in Cups

by ManiacalShen



Series: Family Visits [3]
Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 15:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19397344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManiacalShen/pseuds/ManiacalShen
Summary: After Gabrielle and Lila have a sister’s night out at Potidaea’s inn, their parents and Xena get to deal with a pair of candid drunks. Stands alone fine, but is part of a series.





	Honesty in Cups

**Author's Note:**

> While this does follow my story “A Family Aftermath,” there’s nothing desperately important you need to know if you don’t feel like reading a drama/romance story before taking in this bit of silliness. This takes place in season four, probably before India.

Xena yawned into her hand, finding herself drawn into a torpor by comfortable cushions and a cheery fire. She sat in Gabrielle’s family’s farmhouse, on the left side of a couch directly facing the hearth, while Hecuba, Gabrielle’s mother, sat in a chair to the right. Scattered candles and the hearth’s light had been aiding the women in a long, meditative bout of needlework, but Xena figured the time for bed was nigh. The pair was mostly just waiting up for Gabrielle and Lila, who had gone out to the local inn a few hours ago to enjoy some quality sister time. Gabrielle had hesitated to maroon Xena with her parents, but Xena encouraged her to go, and hey, the night turned out just fine. After puttering around for a while, Xena and Hecuba had settled into companionable, silent industry, only occasionally interrupting it with inquiries about each other’s project.

Of course, Gabrielle’s apprehension hadn’t come out of nowhere. Their whole visit so far had been cordial but reserved, the first since the family discovered the travelers were a romantic couple. And THAT domestic drama had come on the heels of a near-death experience for Gabrielle and a disturbing few weeks in which her family had lived with an evil double of her. None of it had improved their opinions of Gabrielle’s risky lifestyle or endeared them to her choice of mate - but luckily they couldn’t do a damn thing about either state of affairs.

So now everyone lived on a ragged rope bridge strung between sensitivity and honesty. It grated Xena’s nerves. But if it led the family to quit fidgeting at the easy affection between the couple, fine. Anything to make Gabrielle happy, right? She should be able to relax around her own family, and so should her partner.

Amidst Xena’s musings over her nearly-repaired leathers, the bard herself flung open the front door and stumbled over the threshold, Lila trailing unsteadily behind her. She breezed past her mother with a wave to spin and plunk into Xena’s lap, and Xena only barely spared her rear end the sewing needle by swinging it out of the way in haste. Apparently oblivious, Gabrielle settled in and slid her right hand across Xena’s shoulders.

“Hello to you, too, Gabrielle.” Xena set her leathers aside, needle and thread still trailing from a seam. Brows raised, she looked at Gabrielle and then flicked her eyes toward her mother, but the bard didn’t catch the tacit question.

She just smiled blithely and looked into Xena’s eyes. “Heyyy, gorgeous.”

Decorum attempted; decorum failed. Oh well. Xena relaxed into a grin and wrapped a supporting arm around Gabrielle’s back, resting her other forearm on the bard’s knees. Drolly, she asked, “Did you have some drinks?”

“A couple.” At Xena’s snort, she argued, “I only bought one f’r each of us! ...And then they got me tellin’ a story.” She hiccupped.

Lila, who had dropped onto the other end of the couch, explained, “They bought her a bunch of drinks for it.”

“Uh-huh. Gabrielle, I know you know you don’t have to drink them all when that happens.”

Too loudly, Gabrielle declared, “I didn’t!”

Lila announced, “I helped!” The two erupted into giggles.

Figured. Gabrielle visiting her safe, sleepy hometown, in a taproom full of people she knew and who she likely didn’t want to upset, impressing them with stories - it was a recipe for a soused bard.

Fond exasperation came over Xena, and she looked to Hecuba for commiseration only to see a pinched look.

She cleared her throat and looked back at her partner. “And did you chase any of those ales with mugs of water?”

“I chased some of ‘em with wine…” Oh boy.

“Could one of you…”

Hecuba sighed and volunteered, “I’ll get them both some. My children can stay put in case the floor moves out from under them.”

“Thanks.” Xena studied Gabrielle with a clinical air, taking in flushed cheeks and glazed eyes crinkled with humor under fluffed bangs. But as soon as Hecuba’s back was turned, Gabrielle’s gaze slid from it to her lover’s face with a smirk. She gripped Xena’s tunic with her free hand and hauled her into a slightly off-center kiss.

Xena didn’t dodge it, but after a half-second of contact, her higher faculties realized it might be rude - or that Gabrielle at least might think they had been, later. So she pressed a moment’s affection back into the liplock, then broke contact just enough to speak.

When she opened her mouth, Gabrielle filled the void with her tongue. 

Xena’s eyes fluttered shut, and her brows about levitated off her head. Tongues met in a flare of startling passion, and as Gabrielle held them more firmly together and demanded more from the kiss, Xena gave it without hesitation, settling her hand along the side of Gabrielle’s thigh and holding on for the ride. There truly wasn’t a thought in her head. Despite all her experience tactically wielding her own charms, she simply wasn’t prepared to measure her response to a lapful of eager, sensitive Gabrielle - someone usually too in tune with her to push anything if the time wasn’t right - conjuring ardor out of context. 

Then she came to her senses, pulled away, and tried to fix the bard with a look of reproach, but Gabrielle looked past her and winced.

“Oops.”

A slight turn of the head revealed Hecuba’s glower, along with the cup of water she proffered. Lila, projecting withering disappointment from the other end of the couch, already sipped from her own.

As Xena traded an apologetic look for the cup, Hecuba admonished, “Have some propriety, Gabrielle.” A blush belied her clipped tone and preceded a quick retreat to her chair. Xena knew the embarrassment came in part from the fact the public display of affection was between her daughter and another woman, but the warrior couldn’t be too upset. She was pretty certain even married Potidaean farm girls didn’t usually make out in front of their parents, of all people.

Not that she would apologize for her actions, of course. She would just sit here feeling discomfited by her own lack of poise, despairing at the thought of dealing with the fallout.

After capturing Gabrielle’s eyes, she bit out a mild, “That wasn’t nice.”

“Pfft, yeah it was.” Her voice gentled. “I missed you.”

Xena opened her mouth... and clicked it shut again. Then Lila got up, walked around Xena’s knees, and dumped her nearly-full cup of water over Gabrielle’s head. Chilly run-off nailed Xena on her belly and lap and soaked into the cushion under her.

“Lila, you brat!” Gabrielle swiped at damp eyes and shook droplets from her hair right into Xena’s face.

Xena merely blinked, visibly chagrined. “No… no, we deserved that, Gabrielle.”

Lila walked off to the kitchen pitcher to refill her cup and got a few half-hearted swats and admonitions as she passed her mother on the way.

Xena sighed and pushed Gabrielle’s cup into her hands. “Drink, bard-of-mine. Two cups, and a trip to the outhouse before you’re allowed to go to bed.” She made a mental note to check her herb stores, too. Ideally, Gabrielle wouldn’t end up in so much discomfort the next morning  
that Xena couldn’t enjoy harassing her about tonight. 

“Who made you drink-boss. An’ outhouse boss.” Gabrielle petulantly sipped her water. “An’ bed bo-”

Xena clamped a hand over the remark. “I’m the boss of all my drunk traveling companions, or did you forget me dragging Joxer out of that gambling hall last moon? Sober Gabrielle can pee when she wants.”

Gabrielle licked Xena’s palm, and Xena casually wiped it off on Gabrielle’s tunic-covered knee.

Lila griped, “Gross an’ no fair; you used to push me when I did that to you.”

“Athena preserve us. I tried to raise them fit for society,” moaned Hecuba.

Xena suspected Hecuba was mostly just enjoying the opportunity for histrionics, so she ignored the comment. After raising her eyebrow until Gabrielle took another gulp of water, she drawled, “Y’know, it’s a lucky thing you’re so young. I’d have a body-length headache in the morning if I was as drunk as you are right now.”

“And I’d be asleep by now,” grumbled Hecuba.

The scuff of heavy feet on worn floorboards preceded the entrance of Herodotus, who stopped short to gape at the scene. He seemed ready to scold Gabrielle, then froze and looked at her again. He closed his mouth and started over. “What happened? Why is my daughter wet and sitting indecent in the ex-warlord’s lap?”

Gabrielle spluttered into a belly laugh, sloshing yet more water onto their laps, while Xena’s mind failed to provide any seemly response to the question.

Thankfully, Hecuba explained after a roll of her eyes, “Both of our daughters decided to prove they’re not old enough to go to the inn without a chaperone, lest they stumble home three sheets to the wind. The older one’s assaulting our eyes, and the younger one assaulted her sister.”

“It was just water,” whined Lila in the face of her father’s dry stare.

“Sneaky water!” Gabrielle pointed an accusatory foot at her, and Herodotus sighed into the chair opposite Hecuba’s, close to the fire.

“I see my firstborn still doesn’t need your help getting into trouble, Xena.”

“One of many things she can beat me at. Guess they can’t all be as useful as cooking.”

“Y’rr handwriting’s not hard to beat, honey.”

Xena turned a mock glare on her partner, only to be charmed by the adoring look of mischief that met it. In a moment of caprice, she nuzzled the braided hair above a flushed ear and rumbled, “Gabrieeeelle,” against the warm shell of it.

Gabrielle giggled like a child.

An indulgent smile accompanied a soft order. “Drink, you little monkey. C’mon.” Xena looked over at Lila, who was staring at the ceiling in teenaged disgust. “You, too, Lila. I gotta share a room with both of ya, and I don’t need either of you puking in it.”

Hecuba said, “She’s right, you delinquents. And between draughts, you can tell us what story bought Gabrielle so much ale it’s coming out all four of your eyes.”

“Oh, that’s what happened?” Herodotus asked mildly. “Nevermind, I should have given you some credit for this one after all, Xena. Assuming it was you in the story.” Was that a joke?

“...Thanks.” Xena turned to Gabrielle expectantly and found the woman silently regarding her partner’s features. After a long pause, Xena lifted a questioning brow and only got a blink in return.

“What?” A hiccup.

Sigh. “Your mom asked you a question.”

“S’ry, distracted.”

“Uh-huh. By what, drunkie? What’re you lookin’ at?”

A full, nose-scrunching smile bloomed on beloved features, making Xena’s battered old heart flutter like a girl’s. “My love.”

Lila groaned. “Tell me you two aren’t going to be this soppy all night.”

But Xena was too taken with the sweetness of the inebriated honesty to answer her. Oof, there went her reputation. “Aww, Gab-”

“And my meal ticket.” Humor widened the bard’s grin, even as she squirmed distractingly in her lover’s lap. 

“Hey!”

Herodotus and Hecuba snickered.

“Hay’s for horses. And sleepin’ on sometimes. YOU are for starring in my stories. And sleepin’ on sometimes, too.” Gabrielle drained her cup and snuggled into Xena’s neck as the older woman tilted her head back in affected despair.

Lila began to grouse. “It was bad enough watchin’ the boys flirt with her all night. Dad, if you were gonna give me extra chores for drinkin’ too much, c’n this be my punishment instead?”

“Then what did your mother and I do to deserve it?”

Gabrielle flinched and turned her face to direct a hurt look at him. The family whining was definitely getting to be a bit much.

Xena cuddled Gabrielle closer with both arms as she rebuked them, “Hey! I don’t care what you think about me, but Gabrielle shouldn’t feel like she’s disgusting you by being close to me. Grow up.”

Surprisingly, all three had the decency to look horrified, and Hecuba protested, “Oh, no, dear, it’s - we’re just teasing you two. Did you know Gabrielle used to start yelling when she saw her father and I kiss?”

Bewilderment drew out Gabrielle’s, “...Wh… when I was eight?”

Hecuba nodded. “Right, so of course we’d tease you for being so sweet on your- your partner, is all, for being cute. Other than when you were necking, I mean.”

“They were what?” asked Herodotus.

Lila chimed in, “Yeah, Xena, drinking makes her all… goopy, and you are jus’... jus’ _ruining_ the whole ice cold warrior thing. I mean, it wouldn’t be this bad if we covered you in puppies. Fam’ly can’t let that slide.” The explanation was almost comically earnest, mollifying Xena and letting Gabrielle relax and snuggle against Xena anew.

“You’re just jealous. Mine.” She snuck a nibble of sensitive jaw skin.

Xena mentally promised to get her back for that, the squirming, the flirting, and the kissing as soon as they got somewhere secluded again. Some soft rope and a feather ought to start her off nicely...

“I am not jealous just because Iphecles was throwing himself at you all night! ‘S a mattera fact, he’s even less handsome now I know he’s desperate. And bad, inviting you home.”

This finally drew real emotion from Herodotus. “He WHAT?”

Gabrielle lifted her head to glare at her sister before turning to her father. “Dad, he invited me home, like…” Her habitual frankness seemed to war with her currently-dim memory of propriety. “Like- like to get naked. After I JUST told the story of Cecrops. Cecrops! I told the whole town how Xena got herself cursed to ride a dumb boat all her life just to be with me, and he asks me back to the apprentice shack behind the smithy?”

“Oh, I’ll be talking to his father,” growled Herodotus.

Gabrielle gestured negligently. “Eh, at least he took no for an answer and kept ‘is hands to himself.”

Xena scowled. “He better have. If he’d tried anything with you drunk, I’d break every limb he touched you with.”

Gabrielle cocked her head so far she nearly slipped off Xena’s lap. After Xena’s tilting legs and a flailing of four arms recovered her roost, she asked, “What if I was sober?”

A shrug. “Then you’d’ve done it yourself, I guess.”

“Heh. Oh, yeah.”

The five settled into idle chatter while the sober three plied the drunk two with water, and eventually everyone made it to bed. Where Xena ended up sleeping upright just to cradle Gabrielle against her chest. Laying down made the bard too dizzy and nauseous to sleep, unlike her sister who was dead to the world in moments.

The next morning, Gabrielle’s stirring woke Xena, the rebound effects of the alcohol probably keeping her from a longer rest. 

As Gabrielle stretched and rubbed her face in some vain attempt to slough the hangover away, Lila also roused herself and stood. Their eyes met, and they froze for a long moment, going pale even in the amber light of dawn. Finally, Lila visibly quailed and scurried past the couple and out the door.

“What was that about?” Xena looked away from the uncommunicative door to Gabrielle, who now stood with her face buried in her hands. The younger woman whimpered.

“...Gabrielle? What did I miss? We weren’t that bad last night to chase her out of the damn room.”

“No, it’s… we, after the drinking, we got to talking. On the road back from the inn.”

* * * * *

On a dark pathway lit only by Gabrielle’s wavering torch, her sweet, dutiful, inebriated little sister began asking questions about sex with women. And men. Gabrielle found the earnest curiosity pretty cute, and she tried to be a good, honest big sister and not brush her off. All while dimly aware her last drink had yet to take hold and vaguely hoping they made it to the farm before it did.

“Look, Lila, I don’t have that much experience with men.” A pause. “Well.” She remembered she kinda did for Potidaea, where good farm girls weren’t supposed to do much at all with men they weren’t going to marry. She had only kissed Perdicus before she’d left town.

“I mean. I haven’t had much…” Aw, bacchae, what qualified as sex, and what didn’t? “...haven’t done…” Her brain balked at even figuring out how to consider her trauma in Britannia here, and she gladly let the thought flee.

“Well, let’s say I only let one man be in a position to maybe make me pregnant, and I haven’t so much as been kissin’ any other man over more’n a day before moving on.” Well, maybe Joxer a few times, but spells and friendly kisses didn’t count, right?

Lila physically stumbled over the bald honesty, coughed, and rushed to catch up again. “Ssso, you can’t compare ‘em?”

Gabrielle considered. “...Yeah and no. Men’re different. Their lips aren’t as soft, and they can be kinda grabby all of a sudden. Though… that might not be fair ‘a me. Xena’s my only woman, and she has a lot more experience than any man that’s laid a hand on me.” A wry grin seeped over her features, and her tone deepened. “And more patience.”

“So… you like it better?”

“I like HER better. Lila, it’s different when someone knows you, like... really knows you and cares about you and can tell when they’re driving you wild. Bein’ with Xena started inc-” she hiccuped, “increb-... awesome, and it’s gotten even better. A real partner learns you, know what I mean?”

“I… I think? But it’s fun, it’s okay even though she doesn’t have - and you don’t have - a… y’know?”

“Duh, ‘course. We’ve got other interesting stuff, y’know.”

Lila wrinkled her nose. “If you say so. But… without… how’s it work?”

* * * * *

“Well, what’d you tell her?”

“I… told her. A couple things.” Gabrielle’s intense cringe spiked Xena’s alarm.

She enunciated, “...What did you tell her - exactly?”

“I might’ve told her about that thing that you do… the thing with, uh, your tongue when you have me, er, against a tree... and then your finger…” she trailed off as Xena rolled her eyes skyward and indulged in a flop back onto the bed.

Xena groaned. Frankly, she took a lot of pride in what she could do to her partner, but that didn’t mean she wanted to look across the breakfast table at Gabrielle’s kid sister right after she’d heard all the gritty details.

“Congratulations, Gabrielle. I’ve never had someone I love make me regret their boozing as much as they do.”

Gabrielle flopped back on the bed next to her. “I have many skills.”

END


End file.
